comments that made me stop shaving...

[Petrik]

This is my story about reactions on shaving my head. I shaved and stayed so for some time twice in my life. Each time I got very different comment even from the same people. I dont understand how is it possible that the first time people liked it and the second time nearly everyone used quite hash words. Maybe someone experienced something similar.

For the first time it was when I was 22. Back then my MPB was not so severe and I had enough hair to grow it back. I was just curious of how will I look after it gets worse and I finally decide to shave it all off. That was why I let my hair grow back after month of shaving/trimming on max. When I shaved it felt odd. I didnt like it because I believed I looked better with hair. When I met friends I was surprised. Some of them were asking why I shaved and similar questions but nothing negative. Others and quite a lot of them very saying "hey you look very cool" "it suits you very well" "you have great round head" Etc. They were telling me this the first time they saw me bald. Some told me if ever they start balding they are going to shave because it looks cool.

The more was I surprised when I shaved it last year (when i was 24). One day I looked into mirror and told myself it is time when I am going to look better with shaved head. And hey it felt good. Brother told me "It suits you" A she-friend told me "finally" That was for the positive feedback. I overheard a converation between friends "He is looking like a total f***". "You kidding..." with the look on his face like I was a total idiot. "I remember you - but the last time you looked normal" "Cancer?". "Grow it back!" this girl told me "Now you are good-loking man and I like you again" next week when it grew a bit... etc etc. But the worst was from my mother. The first time I shaved she was ok with it "I didnt like it at first but it is not so bad". But now she didnt speak to me for 2 days. I dindt care if she does not like it let her keep it for herself I dont care because I like it. Better she stayed silent. The third day she went into my room and started screaming "I dont want you in my house! You are so ugly!" I was taken aback. Totally. We have a good relationship and she is telling me this. I would not mind her telling me she doesnt like it but acting the way she did it looked like the Twins have just fallen. It was like someone screaming "the WW3 began we are all gonna die!" I started to believe I really have to look terrible with shaved head.

Now I have these 2 situations and cannot make sense of it. A month ago another friend asked me why I dont shave my head "You looked cool" I felt good and liked the look but the comments really put me off. The reason I want to shave the hair is that I believe I will look better. If I will not there is no need to shave. But I liked it. I think it might be caused by the fact I was a bit overweight year ago so I worked on it and am going to give it another shot...

[buddha]

So your mom said that she doesn't want you in her house because you are so ugly? Did you mention anything to her about genetics?

Brother, if you like the way you look sly then just do it and to hell with the naysayers. If you have doubts you can either wait and see if you get more committed to the idea of shaving or you can shave it and follow the 30 day rule that a lot of the guys in the forum have followed. That way you keep it smooth for 30 days and make a decision as to whether it is really for you. Perhaps during the 30 days these other folks will get the impression that you just don't care what they think and give up on trying to direct and control your life for you.

Remember that you have a right to shave your head or not, as you wish. The thing about rights is that you can surrender them but no one can take them away.

These people have formed an opinion about something that is none of their business. There are 2 things about opinions that make them like a$$ho1es:
1)  Everyone has them.
2) They all stink.

[xnewyawka]

First off. Welcome Petrik. You've come to the right place for support and encouragement.

I have to agree with bro buddha here, and also suggest you at least stick with it for the thirty days. This will give you a chance to get used to shaving, and get comfortable with the new look on you.
Equally important, it will also show people that you mean business, and plan on keeping it for you!.

Your Mom's reaction, to me seemed very harsh. Hopefully she will realize how it affected you.

Stick to your guns bro, it's your life and your choice how you wish to look, and if that's how you want to take control of your mpb, then so be it.

Hang in there, and keep us posted on your progress.      

[bem75]

I read your other post first.  This one is a bit different.  the other guys have given some good advice.

I've said this before and I will say it again, if you love the look and you feel good about yourself, it will shine through.  People will see your confidence and happiness and that will make people see you in a positive light.  If you're unsure of yourself or you show apprehension about the look, people will be able to tell.

When you shave your head, shave away your insecurity at the same time.  We've had guys on here before who were never confident with the look and they always seemed to have a bad experience.  The ones that feel good about themselves and "own" their look always seem to get compliments and just flat out enjoy life more.

So, good luck.  If you like the look and you think that you'll feel better about yourself, shave it.  But, make sure that you adjust your attitude and have the confidence to tell a naysayer that "this is me.  This is how I look and I love it."

[Petrik]

Thanks for replys. Re-reading what I wrote it really sounds worse than I intended:) But it is done and maybe good for me it made me think why would I create text which can sound so negative... Was thinking about changing it but hey let it stay this way. Made me realize it is really no big deal

[TheSlyBear]

How old is your mother? When mine went through "the change", she acted really weird and totally out of character for a time...

[imb]

Some of these comments do sound harsh yes, especially from your mother, although if you're taking other people's opinions and preferences to heart you are going to have a lot of highs and lows. Some quite simply don't like it. In my experience usually naive, less mature women seem to witter on about how much they like hair. This is fine because there's equally lots of people who like the look or are indifferent to it, at least those who appreciate that hair doesn't actually matter much. As they say you can't please everyone, so best to please yourself. I remember people used to criticise me for my big mop of hair, as soon as I shaved it off others told me how much they liked it, I get positive and negative reactions to my shaved head too. So best to stick with it and see how it makes you feel.

[chgobuzzbald]

Perhaps if you told us your country and culture that would be helpful. In many areas outside the USA older people and young girls do not seem to like shaved heads. Where are you from ?

[jc71corvette]

Everyone has to get use to someone they know shaving their head.

Most of my friends dont like it or dont mind it. But my friends that I have that met me when I shaved, do not mind

[CraftyGuy]

Bottom line is - what do *YOU* want and what will make *YOU* happy?

[D.A.L.U.I.]

Okay, rereading your posts there seem to be several issues you're dealing with.  The first, and a great accomplishment is losing a tremendous amount of weight several years back.  Hopefully you're keeping it off and staying in shape.  Weight, as much as any other factor such as mpb, can be a personal problem for your self image.  Weight has the additional issue of being a problem for your long term health.  Hair--no issue there.  Keep up the weight control effort, and if you like work out at a gym, and get some physical definition--it will boost your self esteem and give you a lot of extra energy. 
The next issue seems to be family response to a shaved head.  This is common, even though several lucky guys have supportive families.  Those of us who don't, my wife doesn't care for it, have to realize that this is something we do for ourselves.  Respectfully, I would talk w/ your family members and explain that your hair, like your weight, is an issue of self respect and for you self improvement.  They may not like it, and frankly the only answer is to stick to your guns, it's your head.  Unless they ask you about changes to their hair it's none of their legitimate business.  Remind them that they supported your weight control efforts.
Next, friends and acquaintances.  Well, this is a mixed bag.  Friends and acquaintances you had before sly are going to be for and against, but the ones that are against it, like your family, don't have anything legitimate to say unless they consult you about their personal appearance issues.  This is for you.
Finally, cultural.  I think that the sly look is less popular in Germany for many reasons, chief among them is the adoption of the shaved or buzzed head by the skinhead/neo-nazi wackos.  But, they also adopt a radical clothing style too.  If you dress well, there shouldn't be any problem being mistaken for one of them by most intelligent people.  Granted, you are in the vanguard of the Sly movement in Germany. 
Finally, comments, like, "You look like you have cancer!"  These kind of comments usually come from friends and acquaintances made before your hair started receding.  It's just part of their effort to control you.  You have to decide whether they control your life or you do--it's just that simple. 
Take your time, you can't safely stop or slow the progress of mpb, you will eventually be a bald man.  How you become a bald man is entirely within your control.  The guys who have adopted the SBG concept have gotten ahead of the problem and moved on to enjoying the freedom that path provides.  Otherwise, you'll be bald with a fringe and some sparse growth on  top perhaps. Bald can't be stopped, your angst about it can be.

[Morthen]

Ive had a similiar dilemma, friend telling me I look like a chemo patient, my mother said it looks terrible/scary So i understand where you're coming from Im still trying to work up the courage to shave again

[D.A.L.U.I.]

Ive had a similiar dilemma, friend telling me I look like a chemo patient,

My daughter said that to me, and one other person.  I found the best response here.  Some guy, with a great sense of humour, said that the reply for most guys to the question: "Cancer?", and my response--and I used it once with great success, "No, Libra actually, what's your sign?" 

[CraftyGuy]

Ive had a similiar dilemma, friend telling me I look like a chemo patient,

My daughter said that to me, and one other person.  I found the best response here.  Some guy, with a great sense of humour, said that the reply for most guys to the question: "Cancer?", and my response--and I used it once with great success, "No, Libra actually, what's your sign?" 

That's a great response - love it! 

[bartman]

Make sure your head is tan to avoid those types of comments about cancer it really is the best answer. When your head is tan, it looks like it has been that way for some time so people just accept it is that way and is probably not going to change. Once the initial shock of people seeing you shaved wears off for those that have known you with hair for some time, they don't even think twice about it anymore.

When people have long hair and get it cut short, everyone notices because it is a shock. But even after a few days of seeing the change they just accept it. That is the way it is.